Doing Mr Wrong While waiting for Mr Right

"Damn! Damn! Damn! " This is my third week on the "Take Shape for your Health" Diet and Lifestyle change program. This crap sucks. I have drank shakes for the last three weeks. I have gone to the gym religiously for the last three weeks. I have drank so much water that I know my kidneys are swollen.
These freaking meetings drive me insane. I don't want to say anything but of course they want me to share. I want to tell them that their shakes and food is disgusting and that these cramps are killing me. I want to share the fact the married, but separated man that I have been dating for over a year has been lying to me about him being with his wife. I also want to let this "happy go lucky " crowd that my job is stressing me out, I drink a half of bottle of wine every night(and I refuse to give it up), and I spent this whole weekend running up my credit cards on bullshit that I really don't need. However, I smile and say, " Good evening, all. Week three and I didn't lose anything this week again". I hear everyone gasping and awwing like I'm some freaking charity case. "But I'm not gonna give up! I'm open for any suggestions". Just then I receive a great round of applause. I take my seat and immediately people started sending me little encouraging notes with their phone numbers on them. I want to pick up my purse and walk out but part of the agreement with this company is that I have to come to these stupid meetings. I'm sitting here clapping for everyone else that is having success at this lifestyle change stuff. I like my lifestyle. Hell, I look forward to Happy Hour. I enjoy going out to dinner with the girls or alone or with Marcus, when he can get away. I do eat out three or four nights a week, but damn it I deserve it.
As the meeting ends, I hurriedly dart out of the door. I do not want to be cornered by someone telling me what works for them. Instead I am cornered by Marcus. He has parked his Navigator behind me so that I can't get out. "Damn girl, you serious about this thing, huh"?
Sometime I wish men were required to take a class on how to talk to a treat women. "What is it,Marcus?"
"Why are you being so cold towards me? It was just a picture, damn! Tell your nosey ass, lonely friends to stay out of our busy".
Marcus and I had conditions on our relationship. When I met him three years ago, he was still with his wife. I knew that because he was upfront and honest. He told me that he and his wife were separated but he was leaving himself open because they may or may not get back together. After about a year of dating him, he told me that it was definitely over and he was filing for divorce. Of course I had to understand that he would still see the kids and be with them on holidays, but he would only be there for the kids. I agreed to these terms.
I went along with this foolishness for almost two years when my girlfriend showed me pictures of him and "the family" at Thanksgiving on some beach vacationing. There were pictures of Marcus and Andrea, his wife, kissing and caressing, family pictures, and most importantly of "hubby drawing me a romantic bat with rose petals after a long, hot day"- per the caption under the picture on Facebook. The crazy thing is that he made it seem like I was supposed to be okay with that. In fact when I showed it to him, he was like "okay. I know you not mad". That was three weeks ago. I have been avoiding him at all costs, but tonight he caught up with me.
"You still mad at me, baby"?
"Marcus please move your truck so I can get out I am tired and ready to go home". I was tired and ready to go home, but I was also glad to see that he cared enough about me to look for me.
"Damn Tesha! What do you want from me"? He yelled.
"What I want from you? WHAT I WANT FROM YOU?" I felt tree years of betrayal come up from my soul. I had alienated friends and family, gone against my morals and christian upbringing for him and he wanted to know what I wanted from him. I bought his children gifts or Christmas and their birthdays for him. I spent damn near every holiday alone waiting on him. I gave a promotion to another state because "he couldn't handle not being with me".
I got into my car and started it up. "Get out of my way!" I yelled out of the window.
Marcus walked up to my window trying to hand me a single red rose. Any other time that may have worked, but he humiliated on the World Wide Web. I knew at that point I had had enough.
"Baby, let's go somewhere and talked", he whispered as he leaned inside of my car window.
"Marcus, I am asking you nicely to please move your vehicle", I whispered.
"No! Not until we talk".
"Okay then". I rolled up my window, placed my car in reverse and pressed on the gas. I closed my eyes and crashed into his truck. Surprisingly, my Maxima had enough force to move his Navigator enough for me to get out. As I drove off, I threw that funky ass red rose out of the window. I threw up my middle finger and screamed, "Fuck you"!
Although my heart was beating hard as hell and I felt like I was gonna throw up, I felt good. I felt free! I drove to the next county, stopped and got my wine,called my job, and checked into the nicest hotel I could find using his credit card.