Chapter 4

"What the fuck had I done"?

I was riding down Interstate 192 doing 90 miles per hour. I didn't know where I was going nor did I care. I just needed to get away.

I was oblivious to my surroundings. Before I knew it I was pulling into the condo where Gia lived.

All kinds of feelings were running through me. I could still see Tara holding on to my legs, begging me to stay. That is a memory I will never forget. I have never seen Tara in such a fragile state. Even when she miscarried our second child well into her 5th month of pregnancy, Tara was strong. She never cried. How could I hurt the woman I had been married to for 10 years; the mother of my children?

". Hell yeah. That's why". Devin smiled as he reached down to stroke his penis.

Gia was standing in her room.The silhouette of her naked body was very visible with the lights on.

Gia had been what Tara wasn't. A freak. When they got together in Iraq, Gia rocked his world. Gia did things that Tara thought were not "Christian-like". Tara was a good girl. She didn't suck dick. She didn't do anything outside of the box. Gia on the other hand did it all. She was adventurous. Matter of fact, it turned her on to do me in the presence of others. We had threesomes, she was with other women to please me. Whatever it took to please me, Giovanni did it.

I grabbed my bag and walked to the door. I knew that when she came to the door, I didn't have to worry about answering questions about my day or what was I going to do about paying a bill. All I had to do was to let her please me, then I would definitely please her.

I used my key to open the door. As soon as I entered there she stood naked waiting on her man.

"Daddy's Home", I said with a big smile on my face.

Chapter 5

I heard a noise but I couldn't move. Was it the doorbell or the alarm clock? My head felt so heavy. I could hardly lift it. I suddenly realized I was cold. After a few minutes, I realized that I was on the tile floor in the kitchen. My eyes could barely open but I could see the refrigerator. There was that noise again. My head was pounding. I couldn't move. I lay there on the cold floor in a pool of blood , trembling .

*************************************************************************************

"Mrs. Beckford", a strange voice was calling my name.

I could hear the voice, although it was unfamiliar. My eyes were so heavy. I could beeps and chirps of machines.

"Tara Beckford", the unfamiliar voice said again.

I tried to answer but my throat was so dry. All I could do was grunt.

I struggled to move my hands but they couldn't, they wouldn't.

"Tara, honey". This voice I knew.

I squinted deeply and was able to make out two faces, a white man and a white woman.

"Mrs. Beckford, I'm Dr. Schneider. If you can understand me,please nod your head".

I nodded my head slightly, but it made my head hurt even more.

"Do you know where you are"? The white man asked.

Again I tried to speak but no words emerged.

The white woman placed a straw near my mouth. I took a sip of the water.

I moaned for more water and she obliged. I drank big gulps of water.

My eyes felt lighter and I was able to speak a little, although it was muffled.

"No Dr. Where am I "? I managed to drag out.

"You are in the St. George's Medical Center", the Dr. informed me.

I didn't know what was wrong with me but I knew I didn't feel myself.

"Do you know this lady"?, the Dr.asked me while pointing to the lady.

"I think so".

"Tara, it's me, Shana, your next door neighbor'.The lady had tears in her eyes.

"Why am I here? Did I have a stroke? I can't move my arms.",I suddenly needed to know what was happening to me.

"Mrs. Beckford, Mrs. Douglas found you on the floor of your kitchen. You treie to commit suicide".

It has been ten years. I couldn't believe it. I rode home with Tony, Toni, Tone, "It's Our Anniversary" on repeat in the CD player. Devin and I were married in his parents' backyard. It was a small family wedding. I wanted to do something big but Devin was leaving for Germany for an 18 month tour in the Army. I stayed home until he sent for me. Since then, we have lived in Virginia, Texas, Colorado, and now in Arkansas for the last two years. In between all the moving, the babies kept coming. We had four of them. Kyla and Kaliyah were our 8 year old twins, Deja, our 6 year old, and Devin Junior, DJ, was 15 months.

Of all of things about being an Army wife, moving was the worst. As soon as I met friends and got settled, we were moving again. Then we had to deal with getting the kids in school. We never had a babysitter unless the Post had a respite night,so spending time alone with Devin was hard.

I had a special evening planned for Devin. He was just getting back from Iraq a month ago. It was his second time there and since he has been home, things have been strained between us. I wanted tonight to be extra special. I had a meal being catered from the local Chinese restaurant. There were violin players coming and a masseuse. The kids were next door with the neighbors for the night. I had just come home from the hair dresser. My nails were done, I had a new outfit, and I was ready to get my freak on with my husband.

The wine was chilling, the lights were dimmed, and the soft music was playing when Devin walked in. The tub was filling up with hot water for his bubble bath.

"Hey baby", I said as I ran to his arms.

"What's up?"

It wasn't the greeting I expected due to the ambiance that was set but I guess he had had a bad day at work.

"Happy Anniversary"! I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on the lips.

"Damn baby! I forgot".

"It's okay boo. I have a wonderful night planned for you".

"I'm really tired, Tara". Devin sounded down. I knew our relationship was a little rocky but I just knew that this evening would boost his spirits, and his sex drive.

Since he came back from Iraq, we had had sex only twice; the night he came home and about a week after that. I didn't push the issue because being Iraq affects soldiers differently.

"Why don't you go take a bubble bath and maybe you will feel better. I have dinner waiting and wine chilling".

After a long pause and a sigh Devin finally went to the bathroom.

Chapter 2

"Tonight is the night". Giovanna told her friend, Eden." His ass had to choose. "

Girl, why do you put yourself through this? " Eden asked. The look of concern was all over her face. She was genuinely concerned about my relationship with Devin.

"I love him and I know he loves me. He just couldn't leave because of the kids,but I'm tired of spending

my nights alone. It's me or them. He's telling her tonight."

"Gia, I love you like a sister, so I'm gonna say this to you and please don't take it personally, but don't get your hopes up about Devin leaving his wife."

"I hear you, Eden, but He's gonna do it today. I can feel it".

"Well, if he does do it today, what's gonna happen next"?

Eden ask that question and I had absolutely no idea what would happen. If he actually did leave her did that mean he would move in with me? Would he get a divorce right away? Would be married within the year? Would we start our family right away?

All of those questions were running though my head but I wasn't ready to answer them. All i wanted was Devin in my bed.

Devin and I had met in Iraq. When he was getting there I was scheduled to leave in the next two weeks. When I saw his fine, 6'4, 240 pound, caramel face, I knew I had to have him.

Our eyes met but neither of us made a move. After a few days, I decided "What the hell", I only had a few days left so I might as well make the most of it.

I approached him and we were inseparable after that. Before I left, we decided to keep in touch. When he was giving his two weeks of R and R, we met in Memphis, and consumated our relationship. We knew we were meant to be together.

After my tour, I decided not to reenlist. Devin wanted me to get ready to start our life together once he got home. I found a job and a condo about 20 minutes from post and waited for him to come home. At the Welcome Home celebration, his wife and kids were there, but so was I. I knew my place but I wanted to let him know that I was there for him. He caught my eyes, I blew a kiss, and went to our condo to wait on him. Of course, he coildn't come that first night because he had to be with her, but the next two nights, he was all mine.

And after tonight, he will be coming home for good.

Chapter 3

Our anniversary date was going great. Devin seemed much more relaxed after his bubble bath and his favorite dish from the Chimese restaurant.

He drank almost have of the bottle of wine and I wasn't mad at him. He seemed to be getting loose,and that just how I wanted him tonight.

The violins played and we danced. It felt so good to be in my husband's arms again. I took in the smell of his body and his cologne.

His strong arms held my hands. I placed his hands on the small on the small of my back, hoping that he would move them down lower.

After the violinists left, we had our couples massage. The sound of Devin "owwing and ahhing" from the massage turned me on. I was ready for my husband to take me.

I let the masseuse out and led Devin to the bedroom.

I went into the bathroom and put on my special outfit. I sprayed the perfume that Devin had given to me for Cjristmas

two years ago. It was his favorite. I was ready. I hoped he was in the bed ready for me.

As I walked into the bedroom, Devin was standing up fully dressed with his duffel bag in his hand.

"Tara, we need to talk".

"Oh no baby. There is no talking tonight. The only words I want to hear is you calling my name".I opened up my robe to show him

the black teddy and garter that I was eager for him to take off.

"Tara, I'm leaving you." Devin didn't crack a smile.

"What?", I smirked. This had to be some kind of joke.

"I'm not in love with you anymore. I have someone else and that;s where I want to be".

"What?" I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Was I dreaming? Is he serious? On our anniversary?

"I will call you later in the week". All the while Devin was clutching his duffel bag.

"Devin! I can't believe you! Are you serious? Is this some kind of joke?" I was yelling to the top of my voice.

"Tara, I am sorry but ......"

"Motherfucker, you sorry?! How fucking dare you!"

"Would you have rather I just left in the middle of the night? " Devin had this blank look on his face the entire time. He refused to look in my eyes.

"I'd rather you kiss my ass. What about the kids"?

"I've stayed with you this long because of the kids". Devin was being cold.

" I don't believe this shit".

Devin turned to walk away.

I ran and jumped on his back. "You are not leaving me"! I yelled.

Devin swung his shoulders to get me off of him.

"Get off of me, Tara".

I grabbed his legs. Devin dragged me to the door as I clung to his legs.

With one hard kick, he had thrown me off of his legs and got out of the house. I got up and ran after him.

He had made it to his Durango and was cranking up. I was beating on the hood but he backed up and drove off.

"I hate you", I yelled into the night. I was crying uncontrollably. I felt like my heart was getting torn out. I felt the need to

vomit.

I turned around and walked back into the house. I locked the door and went to the kitchen to get a sharp knife. "Happy Anniversary, You Bastard"!

Love Changes Ch. 2

All week, Anjeli apologized for Eaton. She bought me lunch or picked up my class for me. Anything to make up for the way Eaton had treated me. Actually, After talking on the phone with Shemar,until the wee hours of the morning and texting him all day, Eaton wasn't anywhere on my mind. Shemar made me smile. We talked about everything and anything. It's was so right. And although I was happy, I knew to be careful. Anjeli must have sensed how much I was into Shemar, so she stepped in,as she usually does.


"You need to slow down". She said Thursday during lunch.
I was in the middle of answering one of Shemar's mid morning texts. "What"???
"Look at me".
"Okay. I'm almost done". I said, finishing my text.
"Talya, Look at me". Anjeli was serious.
"Yes mother." I mocked her, but I could tell she was serious about what she was about to say.

Anjeli was in her early 60's.. She was jazzy. She kept her hair and nails done. She was sharp at all times. The only thing was that she was nosey as hell. She was in every one's business.
Anjeli was knew something about everything, had already experienced everything you have or are going through, or had everything you had or wanted. Anjeli was a fucking trip. Not too many people liked her,except me and a few others. I only put up with her because she was there when I got there and she showed me the ropes.

"Talya baby, you are moving too fast with this man. I have known you for 9 years now. I have seen you in and out of relationships. I can tell when you have jumped out too fast and this is one of those times. "
"I haven't screwed the man", I yelled.
"But you going to. "
"I sure do hope so. He wears a size 14 shoe". I laughed.
"I'm serious, T".
I knew she was just looking out for me, but I wasn't like her. Anjeli had been married and divorced three times. All of her husbands combined had left her in a good spot financially. She worked to keep herself busy. She had no kids, no pets, no man. It was just her and her 7 bedroom house. She hated men. Really and truly. I feel sorry for her sometimes.

"I know. I will be careful". At least that was my plan.
*****************************************************************************************
I let Shemar pick me up from my apartment. That was a first for me. I usually meet a date wherever we are going, at least for the first month. I didn't tell Anjeli I was going out with Shemar because I didn't want that negativity to spoil my night. I rushed home from work. I gave myself a facial mask,it some candles,put on some Jill Scott (her first cd), poured myself some wine and got into a bubble bath. I was preparing mentally for this forthcoming evening. I didn't know what I was going to wear.

Although I hated to admit it, Anjeli was right. I do have the tendency to get with a guy on the first night if I'm feeling him. It usually ends up not working or I continue to be a booty call, that's it. I felt something different with Shemar. He was a different kind of brother.

"There is nothing worse than holding on to something that doesn't want to be held"... I had started my mantra when my phone rang. It was Shemar.
"Oh My God" ..., my heart sank. He was calling to cancel. I decided not to answer. He didn't leave a message.
I felt like such a fool. Here I was getting ready for a beautiful night and....
Now he's texting me.
I was afraid to even look.
"Hello beautiful. Just wanted to hear your voice before I saw you tonight. I can't wait to see you. Shemar".
I read that text about three times before I screamed to the top of my voice.
"Yes!!!!!"
I didn't have to think about what I was wearing tonight. The little black dress was about to get dusted off.
Shemar was gonna be a lucky man tonight!!!!!!!

Love Changes

One of my girlfriends told me that" wherever you go you should look my best because you never know when you will meet the man of your dreams". I've been pretty good about trying to keep up with that motto. However, the man of my dreams has not shown up yet.
A co- worker decided that she would "hook me up" with a friend of hers. Now I'm normally not into blind dates but what the hell, it's been a few months since I've had a man take me out. The guy, Eaton, called and we decided to meet at a bar near the beach. The spot was immaculate. It was a very intimate setting. I had on a long spring dress, red, white, and grey with red strappy sandals and accessories. This was one of my favorite ensembles. I looked and felt good. I ordered a drink at the bar while I waited on Eaton. He was 15 minutes late which was a strike against him. Yes, I had a system. Three strikes within a 90 day period and you were out of my game. Thanks Steve Harvey.

Pomegranate Martini number two, 45 minutes later, and Eaton was nowhere to be found. That was it for blind dates for me. I phoned Anjeli, my coworker.
"Hello".
"Girl, where is Eaton?"
"I thought he was supposed to be meeting you tonight?", she asked.
"So did I. I'm sitting here waiting on him and he hasn't come yet".
"Can you go into the bathroom or out the door?"
"Yeah. Why?", I asked, not sure what Anjeli was up to.
"I'm gonna call him on three way".

As I am walking to the bathroom, Anjeli is calling Eaton. The phone is ringing.
Maybe he thought he was supposed to pick me up or I was at the wrong place.
All kinds of things were going through my mind as Anjeli and Eaton were having small talk. Then he said it.
"She's not my type. She's too short to be that heavy. I'm not interested.", Eaton stated strongly.
"Oh My God! I don't believe you, Eaton. She's a beautiful girl. There is nothing...... Wait. How do know what she looks like?" Anjeli was about to go off on him and I was about to hang up the phone until I heard her ask him that question. Eaton and I had never met. We had talked only briefly on the phone a few times. So how did he know what I looked like?
"I was there. I was at the bar. She was sitting exactly where she said she would be,wearing exactly what she said she would be wearing. As soon as I saw her, I knew that she wasn't my type".
I almost dropped my phone. Should I say something? Should I let him know that I was on the phone?
"Anji, you know what kind of job I have. I need a dime on my arm. She just wouldn't fit in with the other girlfriends and wives."
I hung up. I felt like someone had slapped me. I was leaning against the wall of the bathroom. I walked to the mirror and looked at myself. I wiped the tears that were falling down my face, that I didn't know were there. "Wow!" I said out loud.
A lady that was in the stall came out. "You okay, sweetie?"
"Yeah, I'm good".

My first instinct was to just go home. I could feel my phone vibrating but I was sure it was Anjeli. I didn't want to talk to her or anybody for that matter. I decided to take my seat back at the bar and drink myself into a stupor.

Anjeli had called 7 times when I finally checked my phone. Eaton had even called and texted me that he was sorry. That was it. nothing more nothing less. I was sure that Anjeli had pushed him up to do even that. I was checking my phone when this guy sat next to me. I could feel him checking me out. I order another martini and swayed to the band that was playing a jazz song.

"Hello".
His voice was deep and sexy. It gave me chills. I din't look up.
"Hello". he said again.
"I'm sorry. Where you speaking to me?", acting like I didn't know that.
"Yes. I have been sitting across the way there, he pointed his large fingers to an area a few feet away, and decided to walk over. You've been sitting here for over an hour. Are you alright?"

"What does that mean?" I asked.
"You just have been sitting here so long that I thought..."
"What, you thought that I wasn't able to get anyone so you felt sorry for me and decided to come over and take advantage of the situation or patronize me. Is that what you thought?"
I was yelling at this man that was so tall, dark, and handsome that when I finally took a look at him I gasped.
"I'm sorry if I upset you". He turned and walked away back to his area a few feet away.
"Fuck. He must think I'm crazy as hell."

I stumbled to the bathroom. In between my ranting and raving, one of my other friends, Rance, had called me. I tried to call him back but he didn't answer. That was good because although I wanted to be with a man, I wanted one that made me feel special tonight and rance was not that man. Rance was only interested in getting satisfied. After he got what he wanted he was usually too tired or had someplace to go, so he couldn't stay.

It was still early,only 11:00 p.m. on a saturday night so I decided to have one more martini before going home. I guess I was not eaton's or noone else's type because not one person had come over to buy me a drink or ask my name or anything, except the tall, dark, and handsome. Maybe I should apologize to him for being such a bitch. Or not.

I drink a few cups of water before I ordered another drink. Itook my compact out to check out my lipgloss and notice TDH(tall, dark, and handsome) watching me. I ordered a Corona for him and had the waitress send it to him with my apologies. Within a few miutes, he was back at my side. Hes sat there for about five miutes without saying anything.
"Hello". I spoke first.
"Hello".
Damn! he had a sexy ass voice.
"I want to apologize for being such a bitch a few minutes ago."
"Your apology is accepted. Thanks for the beer".
No wedding ring. Yes! No gold teeth. And he smelled good as hell.
"That's the least I could do for acting the way I did".
"Don't be sorry for that. At least that is one greeting that I will never forget". TDH smiled. He has straight, white teeth. I want to kiss him.
"I'm Shemar" . He held out his hand to shake mine.
"I'm Talya". I held mine out and we shook hands.
What a firm grip. Nice big hands. Soft. He worked in an office. His hands were too soft for manual labor.
Shemar and I talked for about an hour or more. Shemar is 41 years old, although he doesn't look a day over 32. He is a Paralegal. He always wanted to be a lawyer but dropped out of college when he girlfriend became pregnant with his daughter. They got married and he got a job as a paralegal. He and his wife divorced after 8 years but he stll has a great relationship with his 20 year old daughter in college.Shemar owns his own home. He enjoys watching movies, working out, playing basketball with his firends on the weekends, and is not in a committed relationship but does have friends.

I told Shemar about my humdrum life as a 38 year old, 2nd grade teacher. I also go to the gym but according to Eaton, It's useless. I told him that I am single, never been married but want to be. I also don't have kids, but may one day. I have a Chiatsu named Dior and enjoy shopping.
As Shemar walked me to my car, I stumbled a bit. I had forgotten how many martinis I had had. He agreed to follow me home in his car.
As he walked me to my doorstep, he gently touched the small of my back and I could feel the moisture forming in my panties. It had been 3 months since I had been with a man. Shemar kissed me on the forehead before he left. We made plans to have drinks Friday night, same place. I can't wait until Friday!!!!